Two weeks notice

Dear gggggg,

Of course, what could have prevented everything, as usual, is if I had just kept my mouth shut. gggggg and gggggg were sitting close and with their backs to you, though I doubt either of them would have recognized you without prodding. Harboring these feelings is so easy until a small surprise sneaks up and suddenly, at least in my mind, everything is forgiven. All the leaving and leading on. And I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Even with cheese and artichoke dip in my mouth, "Guess who I just saw." I had bought gggggg a beer and we were all having a good time. gggggg had even offered to buy the extra ticket I was left with when two people bailed on me for this gggggg show we were at. My anger from the beginning of the night was fading. gggggg was witness to that.

You walked by and I saw you. Normally, I would have brightened up and opened my mouth. I'm nice to a fault. You walked into the next dining room and I left it at that. No mention. Not even a quick succession of blinks. Nothing to give away the anger that was building inside. I kept both of them that night and averted any future love triangles and secrecy. No stormy night conversations in the parking lot about his feelings for you while trying to hide my own. I never missed a text message. I went straight home from work and kept to myself. Things were boring, but uncomplicated. Probably watched a few more movies and applied to some grad schools earlier. Still haven't had an argument about getting back to scholastics with gggggg. It hasn't come up because I didn't have any lag, and I didn't do anything to permanently betray her trust and when I say I'm doing something she believes me.

And instead of leaning over and mentioning how tall that man in drag was, I just thought it to myself and noticed the huge boots. gggggg caught up with you at the restaurant that night, but I just watched the band, pretending not to be able to hear you. I danced with gggggg more. When you asked me where I went I smiled. I paid for these tickets and I wasn't going to have some drawn out conversation about how you fucked me over time and time again. I kept my mouth shut again. I saved myself. I drove you both back to your respective houses and went home, happy to turn in to bed and sleep before moving the next day. I didn't wake up groggy and wobbling. I never called. I treated you like any other person I don't care to keep in touch with and told you I would. You never wore that dress and you never said those lies. You've said them before. No need to rehash the past. It never felt natural. It never felt right. You were never the one because you never were. I lied just like you did. I ate mussels with everyone else and didn't bother taking pictures I thought would make you laugh.

That summer, gggggg and I hung out. I went down to visit gggggg a few times and drove down to visit gggggg in Atlanta with her. She didn't cry at the edge of the bed and I was a better person than I've ever been. A few concerts in the VIP box. A few late night movies with friends. gggggg and I spent a lot of time outside of the Flying Saucer. No one was sad. It was a good summer.

Sincerely,

gggggg