This isn't going to be just another year for us.

Of course all the perfect ones are taken.  They're not you.

I wonder what the next girl will enjoy that makes me smile while listening to a lecture.

Can you make it so I wake up one morning and I'm your relationship status?

Smile and admit you want me home.

Winter is hard, but not seeing you smile and get excited on a warm summer day is going to ruin me.  Let's not wait that long.

Single beds were always better with you.  I'll take the cold wall if you hold onto me all night and won't fall.

There is a Dewey Hall at school.  Every time I read it I say it in my head like the Italian word for "two."  I know it would make you laugh.

After days like today I lay in bed and fantasize that you immediately started looking up flight costs to fly up for New Year's Eve.  A time to start again, fresh, without the bothersome baggage of the past.  That you'll bring all your warmest clothes, but still need me to hold you to stop your shivering.  That this bed, though small, will keep us as close as we should have been.

Grandpa's writing was nearly illegible in the tiny note tied to the lamp.  It said, "When I get home we'll put this on our mantle."  I don't have a lamp, but I do have the will to grow old with you, and I've never wanted to get old with anyone before.  Even myself.

The next chapter begins today.  I couldn't find the perfect way to end the preceding chapter, so characters will probably come back and emotions may change.  This is certainly not the end of anything, but a way to show the main character in my story isn't as static as you thought.

When all is said and done, if you met me on the street right now I know you'd have some serious second thoughts about who you're with.

I think you misunderstood something major.  Kissing before you was like pushing two lumps of fat together.  Kissing you taught me what the act should be, and we had some really great acts before the curtain fell.

Could I interest you in being snowed in with me?

Somedays it's not so hard to believe you're thinking about me.

There's a tiny island within five minutes of here that has a tiny stone fireplace.  The water around the island is frozen to a dark, bubbly glass finish.  We could walk out there with firewood and sit close to stay warm.  The sun would come and go and our phones would mysteriously stop working.  We'd kiss as the fire died, and look at your heavier ring finger and it would be perfect.

Our Christmas would have been better.

Tonight I'd like to be visited by these ghosts.  The first to show me when we were happy, and when I messed up.  The second to show me that you're better without me.  The last to show when I'll be better off.

A lot of thoughts on that long drive up.  Some angry.  Some sad.  Some happier than they should be.  What it basically came down to is, I wanted your hand to grab my leg and make it jump while we sang our favorite songs to one another.

Even More Advent Quotes

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"What a strange narrowness of mind now is that, to think the things we have not known are better than the things we have known."
- Samuel Johnson

My dick is so big it has tolls.

My dick is so big it has fatty nubbins.

My dick is so big it has 5.1 surround sound.

My dick is so big OSHA has handling guidelines for it.

My dick is so big it goes to Chick-fil-A to eat on Sundays.

I wonder what she'll look like, sitting across from her, among our friends at Christmas dinner, when I've known her 30 years and we're still happily married.

We were atheists for so long that we forgot how to believe in each other.

I try to workout early on Sunday.  It's more fun to pretend that I have to get in and get done so I can race home, shower, kiss you awake and get to Coquette for excellent coffee and crepes.  And then I wake up and it's all make believe and a protein bar is all I get.

I'm having one of those moments when House hears something and suddenly everything connects and makes sense.  This is good.  Dangerous, but good.

It amazes me some of the things I've done and accomplished without the pseudo-courage of alcohol.  Makes me feel stronger than most people.

I miss you so much.

Advent Quotes

"Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it."
- Unknown

"The important thing is this: To be able, at any moment, to sacrifice that which we are for what we could become."
- Charles DuBois

"Dare to be imperfect and one day there will tug at your sleeve a soulmate."
- Robert Brault

There is nothing in this world as nice as a threadbare shirt around the right person's curves.

That corduroy jacket looks amazing on you.  The little bits of fur sticking out around the collar make you look tan in this grey winter.  Could you love me?  Or at least keep me warm for a few months?

I know you're essential, so please get to work safely and drive slow.  Or just cozy up in a bed at the hospital.  Just stay safe.

Can we work out a deal where you send me your guacamole every week of the summer if I send you something you need?

She'll have dark grey tank tops that are a little loose from wear.  They'll hit right below the small of her back and little cotton shorts will peek out from underneath.  She'll brew coffee as I fold omelettes.  Onions, green peppers, mushrooms and salsa.  And then we'll squeeze orange juice.

I hope I get to be the dramatic rain scene you've always wanted.  And then I hope something behind us explodes and we walk away in slow motion while the fire rages.

I can drive an hour out of my way for a cat, but not the woman I love?  What the hell?

The other night, on a vocabulary quiz at the center, a young girl wrote the definition of "senses" as, "What daddy lets you feel."  If that's not a Tom Waits song waiting to happen then I don't know what is.

Despite everything, I'm really glad you're not with the physicist.

This job has nearly taken everything from me.  I'm sorry.  Time to fight complacency.

Now I wake every morning and look for two women missing from my life.

I text, half awake, in the morning because I just want to be talking in bed, drifting in and out of sleep.

People keep telling me the person I love will show up in my life when I least expect it.  That would be right now.  Where is she?

Tonight we might be saying goodbye to the cat.  This year sucks.

I was with Bonnie this past weekend and she was telling me that she's an LPN, and from habit I almost blurted out, "Oh!  My girlfriend would be your boss."

Target isn't the same without you.  I miss immediately ducking into the women's clothing with you, working to the lingerie and onto men's clothes so you can tell me what I would look good in.  Ikea will never be as classy.  All the things we were going to get for my office, the bedroom and our new couch.  Charlotte Russe and Forever 21 just sit empty without your business.

Eat fresh, bitch.

This goes out to the lady at Subway attempting to order a veggie sub.  First off, you're fifty some years old.  How have you never been to a Subway restaurant before?  Secondly, those are vegetables.  Just because they aren't the ones you want doesn't give you carte blanche to berate the sandwich artist in front of other customers.  And what kind of vegetables do you put on your sandwiches at home?  I've looked through their selection and Subway has so many options that there are vegetables I wouldn't put on a sandwich ever.  Next time you want a sandwich, take your attitude and cankles to Harris Teeter and pick out the ingredients you want.

Sincerely,
Ian

Just remembered this song, and thought of you.  Thank you for the autograph.  I miss you every second.

These dreams make it better before they make it worse

Last night, I watched you take him home to what was to be our house.  The street where we lived was dark and ready for Christmas.  The woods were dark, and the house was dark, and I watched you shut the door and go for the night.  The next night, you welcomed me in.  He was gone for the evening and wouldn't be home.  We made dinner.  Something spicy and Asian with bean sprouts and noodles and broth.  Then, you walked over to the couch and slipped your pants down.  You beckoned me over and then began beckoning yourself, and I finished it by slipping my tongue over you, kissing you, taking you in.  You were smiling again, like I could feel when you told me you were happy on the phone.  We watched the neighbors get taken away in an ambulance.  And when we were finished, it was a new beginning.  We cleaned up the kitchen and took our turns welcoming each other back.  I took a seat in my warm and cozy study with the rows of books and antique origami.  I began reading Ginsberg.  And then I heard soft words exchanged through teeth.  He was angry.  His father had driven him to see you.  To surprise you.  He was in our house and he was upsetting you.  He walked by the study after it got quiet.  In the bedroom were a few of his clothes.  Remnants of nights you would soon be forgetting.  On the way out, he stepped in the office with an old Charlie McCarthy puppet missing its head and congratulated me.  I was worth fighting for.  I had you back.  Nothing would ever be as classy, beautiful or true.  After some more yelling and the slamming door you came into the study.  You weren't crying and you weren't mad.  He was gone and you were happy with me, like it's supposed to be.  Like it could be.  Like you want it to be.  You sat with me in the large office chair and we read Ginsberg to each other for the night.

Stumbling through the ice and snow to Mac's.  God knows if it's even open.  We can barely walk, so driving is out.  I drove through fear and winter storm dark to be there with you because there was no place else I would rather be snowed in.  The blankets and dark, cozy living room we huddled in to watch the orange snow in the street lamps.  Horrible movies and life changing ones.  Our buddy's first snow and his first bumbling steps into it on his red leash.

I miss my kitty today.  Very much.  Wouldn't it be nice to drive an hour home and make stew with you and then cuddle in the bed upstairs and read while we toss the lettuce tie off the bed for him to do backflips.

I'm hoping I don't have to love someone as well as I can love you.  I'm hoping someone else doesn't get the life you deserve.