what happened today?

I thought this was all over at this point. I've settled into a routine of working out in the morning, reading most of the day, sitting back in the afternoon and watching a movie or some Attack of the Show, and then going off to bed after a little more reading. Wake up, repeat. I was doing this because I thought, in all honesty, that I had a job prospect that was going to work out. I figured with all the awful shit happening lately this would be that one good thing that is supposed to make it all okay. But it wasn't. The lab job I looked so forward to learning was swept up by some internal applicant. Easy for them because no training is required, and I'm back to the drawing board after giving up several things thinking the job was a done deal. So far, I've missed two substitute teaching training meetings and a civil service exam. Guess I'll have to wait on those and settle for some entry level high school level employment until I get the fuck back into school where I obviously belong. I'm tired of the real world and everyone looking at me like the golden child who wasted his chances and didn't try hard enough. So, I'm back to square one of making money. All those dreams of getting a car and starting a social life have started to drift off, especially with the loss of Martha. Lately, I just want to sit in a room and cry to sad songs. Pretend that those away messages are meant for me. Hope that something good happens for all the good I try to do. Almost makes a person want to start drinking or smoking or something that the other people do to cope.