Apparently, I have fans. Fans that love my desire to become Norm Abram's apprentice (or at least suck up to him as much as I can digitally). So, I've combined two of my favorite activities: talking about Norm Abram, and making big dick jokes. For the fans:
My dick is so big Norm Abram once asked it for woodworking tips.
7 comments:
One summer at his cottage up on Lake Winnempaughpauk I mustered up the nerve to voice a long silent insecurity to the wise man. Norm looked at me with those eyes like aged knotty pine and held out a piece of burly maple he had been working on. "Close your eyes and put your fingers to this wood; count the rings and see if you can tell me how old this tree was."
I rubbed the polished surface in every direction and found it flawlessly smooth.
"Gee, Norm Abram, I just couldn't say."
"Young man," he said and gently rubbed my left earlobe, "Nevermind thinking it's too old or too young, you just keep polishing that wood till no one can tell the difference."
We stayed late in the workshop that afternoon, past dark, listening to the sweet songs of whirring sawblades and soft whispers of sandpaper on silently consenting cedar boards.
Wow. I'm, like, morning wood hard at that. Nice anecdote, my friend.
Wow is right. Steve is totally gay for Norm Abram. Who knew?
Say what you will, but what happened between Norm and myself that afternoon transcended the base sexual tensions that have sadly become so commonplace in modern professional wood-working evironments. That beautiful man hanged my life in a way that homoerotic subtext cannot explain. To this day I often lose myself in my thoughts and come to minutes later, my left earlobe cradled between my index finger and my calloused thumb.
"...wood-working e[n]vironments. That beautiful man [c]hanged my..."
I dunno what I enjoy more, Steve waxing eloquent about Norm Abram, or the anonymous spelling nazi...
Lil Jeffie, everything in your life and all that surrounds you is an endless fascination to me.
I'm kind of concerned that other, anonymous persons, read this blog. Especially people that can spell.
Post a Comment